True Intimacy in Your Relationships

Go Deeper!

One challenge couples have when working on their relationship problems is identifying what causes their problems in the first place. Very often couples focus more on the everyday aggravations, or frustrations then they do spending time figuring out what causes them. We suggest that if you take a little more time to look a deeper at that intimacy in your relationship and find out what’s really at the root of your problems, you shift from negativity back to the intimacy you desire.

You Wouldn’t Put Up with a Bad Mechanic

Think about the following illustration: You get into your car and notice your oil light on then realize your car is leaking oil and your driveway has a big puddle and it. You take it over to your mechanic. They discover the oil tank dangerously low and fill it up. Then they tell you, “Problem solved!” Would you say thank you and walk away or would you tell them that they only dealt with one symptom of the problem, and you need to leak fixed.

Very often without realizing it, couples treat their relationship the same the mechanic did in the example – by only paying attention to one troubling issue in their relationship, but without considering how they can fix the cause of the problem, and come up with a permanent solution.

Intimacy in relationships needs to be looked after, cultivated, and encouraged. Each time you find that you’re dissatisfied about something in your relationship, take a moment to think about what’s bothering you – and then go deeper. Consider what the underlying cause of that particular issue is. For example, if your significant other is always arriving home late from work without calling you, you might think that asking them to call you when they’re running late would fix the problem. However, this often isn’t the case.

Although they might begin to call you when they’re on their way home from work, or when they notice that there still at work and probably will be late getting home, it’s likely that other issues will arise, because the actual issue isn’t been addressed. The problem in this situation is that you’re not getting the consideration you want. While they might start calling you sometimes when they’re running late, if the core issue hasn’t been addressed, you’ll soon start noticing other cases that seem like lack of consideration.

Take the first step by figuring out what the real problems are. This can only happen when you begin to communicate with your partner. This isn’t as easy as just talking to them. Effective communication takes willingness, commitment and awareness. One of the biggest pitfalls to effective communication is using language that separates you from your partner. This might sound something like, “I want you to think about my feelings more often if you want to make this relationship to work.” By simply shifting your point of view and saying something more like, “I’d like to work together to identify ways to help us both feel considered in this relationship.” When you make this little shift you will significantly ship the tone of the conversation. Neither you nor your partner will feel as though you are on the hot seat, and you’ll both be more open and honest in your communication.

This is the first step to getting the intimacy back in relationships. Getting the intimacy in your relationship back to where you want it can be as easy as simple as having a conversation, or shifting some perspective. The key is to always identify the underlying issues that are holding you both back from the love and relationship you deserve.

When you’re ready to find out about other strategies and techniques for creating a deeper level of intimacy in all your relationships or discover about additional personal growth and self help tools and tips visit us at: www.NewAgeSelfHelp.com or stop by our website at: www.FocusedAttention.com and sign up for our free motivational weekly action tips.